Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills - Objective Effectiveness (DEAR MAN), Relationship Effectiveness (GIVE), Self-Respect Effectiveness (FAST)

Oct 13, 2026

Upload by Jasmine

Interpersonal effectiveness skills guide communication across three areas: achieving goals, strengthening relationships, and protecting self-respect. Objective effectiveness uses DEAR MAN to clarify the situation, express feelings, assert needs, reinforce agreement, remain mindful, project confidence, and negotiate within limits. Relationship effectiveness uses GIVE by staying gentle, showing interest, validating others, and using an easy, light manner. Self-respect effectiveness uses FAST to be fair, avoid unnecessary apologies, stick to core values, and be truthful without dishonesty.

LanguageEnglish

CategoryGeneral

FormatPDF

Pages2

Reading Time1 min

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Objective Effectiveness: DEAR MAN

Describe

Express

Assert

Reinforce

Mindful

Appear confident

Negotiate

Relationship Effectiveness: GIVE

Gentle

Show interest

Validate

Use an easy manner

Self-Respect Effectiveness: FAST

Be fair

(No) apologies

Stick to your values

(Be) truthful

Objective Effectiveness: DEAR MAN Objective effectiveness refers to your ability to get what you want out of social situations. Before making a request, dealing with conflict, or starting a difficult social interaction, ask yourself: “What is my objective in this interaction?” Once you have a clear understanding of your desired outcome, use the acronym DEAR MAN to guide the conversation: |
D | Describe
Clearly and concisely describe the facts of the situation. No opinions or interpretations!
“I will be getting home late and won’t have time to cook dinner.” | | --- | --- | | E | Express
State your feelings clearly to let others know how a situation affects you. Don’t expect others to read your mind. Try using the phrase: “I feel because ”
“I feel exhausted because of my long day.” | | A | Assert
Be direct. Say what you need clearly and concisely.
“Since I have to work late tonight, could you cook dinner?” | | R | Reinforce
Explain why it would be helpful to agree to your request. Express thanks if they consider it.
“Thankyou! I’m looking forward to having dinner with you.” | | M | (Be) mindful
Stay focused on the objective of the interaction and avoid being reactive or defensive. If necessary, calmly repeat your request. | | A | Appear confident
Use body language to project confidence, even if you don’t feel it.
Stand up straight, make appropriate eye contact, and avoid stammering or fidgeting. | | N
| Negotiate
Know the limits of what you’re willing to accept, but be willing to compromise within them.
“I’ll wash the dishes if you cook dinner.” | Relationship Effectiveness: GIVE Relationship effectiveness refers to improving a relationship or maintaining a good relationship. The acronym GIVE teaches skills for growing strong relationships: |
G | (Be) gentle
Always be kind and respectful. Don’t attack, threaten, or express judgment during your interactions. People tend to respond better to gentleness than harshness. | | --- | --- | | I | (Show) interest
Listen to the other person without interrupting. Instead of mind-reading, ask follow-up questions. Make it your goal to understand the other person, even when you disagree. | | V | Validate
Outwardly acknowledge the other person’s thoughts and feelings. You can do this with words (e.g.,“This has been really difficult…”) or actions (e.g., helping the person) . | | E
| (Use an) easy manner
Laugh, smile, and be lighthearted. No one wants to be pushed around or bullied—being relaxed and likable is more likely to help you achieve your goals. | Self-Respect Effectiveness: FAST Self-respect effectiveness refers to your ability to stay true to your values during social interactions. The acronym FAST teaches skills for protecting your self-respect: |
F | (Be) fair
Consider each person’s perspective and be fair. Don’t take advantage of others, and say“no” if you believe others are taking advantage of you. | | --- | --- | | A | (No) apologies
Don’t over-apologize. You never need to apologize for making a request or for disagreeing. Save apologies for when you’ve made a mistake. | | S | Stick to your values
Develop an understanding of your values (the things that matter most to you and your morals) . Know your red lines, and be willing to stand up for them. | | T
| (Be) truthful
Avoid dishonesty such as exaggeration, manipulation, and outright lying. There might be a time and place for “white lies,” but even these should be used carefully. |

FAQs

What does DEAR MAN help you do in social situations?

DEAR MAN helps you pursue your objective—getting what you want—by guiding how to describe the facts, express feelings, assert your needs, reinforce why agreement is helpful, stay mindful, appear confident, and negotiate within limits.

How does GIVE support relationship effectiveness?

GIVE improves or maintains relationships by encouraging gentleness and respect, listening with genuine interest, outwardly validating the other person’s thoughts and feelings, and using an easy, light manner to avoid pressure or bullying.

What skills does FAST teach for self-respect during conflicts?

FAST protects self-respect by teaching you to be fair, avoid excessive apologies, stick to your values and “red lines,” and stay truthful—avoiding exaggeration, manipulation, and outright lying.

Oct 13, 2026

Upload by Jasmine