Volume45 Issue12 - Friday Five: Stages Of Grief

Aug 25, 2026

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Hamilton College student newspaper issue covering campus humor and satire through multiple recurring segments. Features include “Friday Five” stages of grief framed around accepting Jojo Siwa and Flo Rida jokes, plus an AITA-style story about sneaking fan content into The Spectator. A horoscope for “This C&C Day” assigns zodiac scenarios with confrontational comedic tone. A second AITA-style case addresses pushing a drunk person off a bridge, concluding the issue with staff/editor credits and publication fine print.

LanguageEnglish

CategoryComic

FormatPDF

Pages2

Reading Time1 min

AccessFree to download

Friday Five

Stages Of Grief In The Journey To Accepting

AITA for trying to sneak Yaoi into the Spectator

Your Horoscope This C&C Day

AITA for pushing a drunk person off Martin’s Way Bridge?

Staff and Publication Information

LEAVE UNTIL 5.16.25 The Cuel C observer Volume XLV, Issue XII “Knowe Thyself, Not Be Thyself.” May 9, 2025 Flo Rida Fucking Explodes Friday Five: Stages Of Grief In The Journey To Accepting That Jojo Siwa IsNot The C&C Artist [5. Denial.](5. Denial. it)[ it](5. Denial. it) is not Flo rida it is jojo siwa 4. Anger. i am so angry jojo siwa will not be singing karma and drinking fireball on stage like it’s pride 2024 at my silly little college 3. Bargaining. may jojo siwa at least dance with heat? 2. Depression. hamilton hates the queers 1. Acceptance. I will listen to guilty pleasure during the whole ofc&c day. do not talk to me. I am unable to handle the thought of Hamilton ridin the flo AITA for trying to sneak Yaoi into the Spectator? I (18M) am but a simple man. I see Yaoi, I read article. Recently, I was dumpster diving behind Commons and found nearly a hundred copies of the Spectator thrown away, like trash! I thought this was absurd—this is our premiere student newspaper? Are we really going to allow it to go unread? I hatched a plan1–I knew how I’d increase readership. So, over the course of three months, I seduced one of the editors of the Spectator (20M) and managed to get access to their passwords after a lustful night of Diner soup and Steve’s wonderful tenders. Before they could stop me, I managed to sneak in my favorite Drarry (Draco / Harry Potter for you normies) fanfic plus a few pieces offanart I’d commissioned. Now I’m being called into a meeting with President Tepper (57M) who says it was “obscene” and “pornographic,” but the student body loves it! Instead of throwing them away, I’ve found dozens of them scattered around campus, all with identical stains and identical words of praise scribbled on them. So Hamilton, AITA? Your Horoscope This C&C Day Aries: Yes he was giving you a look and he does want to fight. Meet in the Dunham parking lot in fifteen minutes . Bring boxing gloves and extra lube . Taurus: you were thinking it, and you were right! Flo rida was looking right at you when singing “Wild Ones” and he wants you to meet him backstage at 5:45 sharp. Don’t be late! Gemini: Those tequila sunrises were made using expired orange juice . Head to the bathroom immediately. Cancer: You look so cunty in that outfit. Whoever said a crop top doesn’t work on a white boy should explode! Leo: Alcohol poisoning is not “an aesthetic,” Leo. No one, not even you, looks hot vomiting. Try harder :/ Virgo: Virgo? More like virgo take a shower you stanky ass bitch. Libra: The only thing that isn’t balanced right now are your hormones-someone is on their perioddddddddddddd Scorpio: No your pantera t shirt doesn’t make you mysterious-go take your MCR Blink 182 bullshit and fight with your parents you pathetic fuck. Sagittarius: Feel free to break ties with certain people now, Sagittarius. You may be overextending your emotional bank account by investing too much of yourself in others'lives. You may not even realize how much this sort of action taxes you until you rid yourself of unnecessary baggage . Make phone calls shorter and time in the bathtub longer. Capricorn: You’re pregnant. He knows, he just doesn’t care . Confront him publicly-why does he deserve happiness? Aquarius: There’s a party in your pants and no one is invited :( Pisces: There are plenty of fish in the sea, Pisces. Are you sure you’re really into men? Have you ever felt the loving caress of a woman? Will you really know until you try? Look a little to the left and up-didn't your heart just skip a beat? That’s love, Pisces-embrace it. AITA for pushing a drunk person off Martin’s Way Bridge? u/deadinternettheory549 During this CnC day, there was this really annoying drunk person blocking my way on Martin’s Way Bridge so I pushed them off. They were walking super slowly because they were“injured” and “had to have crutches.”They were on the phone saying something about how they couldn’t even drink t

FAQs

What does the second AITA story ask the reader to judge?

It asks whether the narrator is the asshole for pushing an intoxicated person off Martin’s Way Bridge during “C&C day.”

Aug 25, 2026

Upload by Violet