How to be a positive role model - Children See Children Do

Aug 26, 2026

This leaflet from Aberdeenshire Council Educational Psychology Service focuses on how parents can positively shape children’s behaviour through consistent modelling. It explains that children learn more from actions than words and highlights calm, flexible self-care as a key way to prevent problem behaviours. Guidance covers what to say and do—showing understanding, breathing, using humour, staying positive, asking for support, helping others, and allowing healthy failure—plus practical steps for repairing relationships after mistakes.

LanguageEnglish

CategoryLifestyle

FormatPDF

Pages4

Reading Time6 min

AccessFree to download

What you can say

What you can do

No one is perfect: what to do if it goes wrong

Self care

Further information and resources

Aberdeenshire Council Educational Psychology Service How to be a positive role model March 2020 Children See Children Do: Being the Best Role Model You Can A parent’s behaviour has a powerful influence in shaping their child’s. Young children copy what others say and do. Whether they are younger, or much older, children are still learning by watching your behaviour and imitating this. Exposure to violence is one of the key reasons children imitate violent behaviours. Children learn far more from our actions than what we say to them. We cannot tell children to talk about their feelings, if we bottle up our own. The greatest gift you can give your child—and perhaps the most important thing you can do to prevent problem behaviours—is to model self-care and handle difficult situations calmly and flexibly. How can you have a positive impact on your child’s development? When parents Kids learn to | Inside this leaflet: | | | --- | --- | | What you can say | 2 | | What you can do | 2 | | No one is perfect: what to do if it goes wrong | 3 | | Self care | 3 | | Further information and resources | 4 | | Pause for thought | 4 | Children need to hear at least 3 positive comments for every negative one to ensure success (The Losado Line) . Some say 6:1 is best but you can never give enough positives. Look at the‘55 positive things you can say to your child’ link on page 4. Use these kinds of phrases every day: I believe in you What you did was brave I knew you could do it That was a good choice How to be a positive role model “Don’t tell your children how to live, live and let them watch you do it” Vikrant Parsai What you can say “Oops, I just made a mistake with that, no big deal, I can make up for it by doing X or maybe it will turn out for the better because I can do Y ..! “I’m sorry that I shouted at you. Next time I am going to stop and calm down before I speak” “I have a big job to finish for work in just a week. I’m going to break it down into smaller parts that I can handle.” “I’m feeling stressed out and I cannot think. I’m going for a run. That always makes me feel better.” “I really need to clear my head. I’m going to take some slow, deep breathsand imagine I’m on that beautiful beach we visited last summer. Remember that sunset?” “I really need a few minutes to myself after the day I’ve had. I’m going to soak in the bathtub for half an hour.” “I’m so angry that I can’t think straight. I need some time by myself to calm down before we make a decision about how to deal with your behaviour/ this problem. I’m going for a walk to relax (or to do another activity to calm down) . Then we’re going to talk about it.” “When I paint a picture/ draw/ write in my notebook, it helps me to think about how I feel. That way, I don’t have to keep all my feelings inside.” “ I had a hard day today. Come and give me hugs. I always feel better when I’m with people I love.” “I need to figure out how to handle this situation with the neighbours. I’m going to talk to a friend about it. Just talking about it makes me calmer, and sometimes friends help me find a totally different way of looking at things.” What you can do Show understanding, compassion and kindness. Try to imagine what is like to walk in other people’s shoes BREATHE...Take three deep breaths when you’re stressed. Breathe in slowly to the count of 3, then breathe out slowly counting 4, 5, 6, 7. Repeat three times to relax your body and gain control of your emotions. Use humour. Having a giggle reduces our stress and helps us look at tricky situations more positively. Stay positive. Look on the bright side. Have fun, enjoy simple pleasures. Look for the times when it is not so tricky. Think about how things could be worse. Ask for support. Everyone needs help sometimes. Children need to see it is ok to ask for help. Help others. Think about what you can do to help someone else who is going through a hard time. Let failur

FAQs

Why is modelling behaviour more important than what parents say?

Young children copy what others say and do. They learn from watching behaviour and imitating it, so actions strongly influence development.

What are practical ways to support self-care when stressed?

Try calming strategies such as taking three deep breaths, going for a run or a walk, using imagery, and allowing quiet time to reset before responding.

What should parents do when things go wrong or conflict happens?

Acknowledge mistakes, apologise, and model problem-solving. The key is to repair the relationship quickly so children learn how to reconnect after unkindness or anger.

Aug 26, 2026

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