Average Jones - Chapter I - The B-Flat Trombone - read

Sep 28, 2026

Uploaded by Stanley

Average Jones follows three men in the Cosmic Club as they debate a single question tied to Jones himself: what is truly “the matter” with him. The narrative introduces Jones’s background, his cultivated nickname, and his restlessness despite a comfortable life. Discussions with Waldemar and Bertram examine how boredom becomes a form of romance, then steer toward a practical, unusual direction through classified advertisements, including a specific opening for a B-flat trombone performer.

LanguageEnglish

CategoryLiterature

FormatPDF

Pages154

Reading Time3 h 57 min

AccessFree to download

CHAPTER I. THE B-FLAT TROMBONE

Cosmic Club discussion and Jones’s restlessness

Wealth, influence, and the “five years” premise

Advice on hobbies and the lure of bizarre work

Classified ads and the trombone opening

бдиог эЗетолУ AVERAGE JONES By Samuel Hopkins Adams 2 # CHAPTER I.THE B-FLAT TROMBONE Three men sat in the Cosmic Club discussing the question:"What's the matterwith Jones?"Waldemar,the oldest of the conferees,was the owner,and at timesthe operator,of an important and decent newspaper.His heavy face wore theexpression of good-humored power,characteristic of the experienced andsuccessful journalist.Beside him sat Robert Bertram,the club idler,slender andlanguidly elegant.The third member of the conference was Jones himself. Average Jones had come by his nickname inevitably.His parents hadforedoomed him to it when they furnished him with the initials A.V.R.E.aspreface to his birthright of J for Jones.His character apparently justified thechance concomitance.He was,so to speak,a composite photograph of anythousand well-conditioned,clean-living Americans between the ages of twenty-five and thirty.Happily,his otherwise commonplace face was relieved by the oneunfailing characteristic of composite photographs,large,deep-set and thoughtfuleyes.Otherwise he would have passed in any crowd,and nobody would havenoticed him pass.Now,at twenty-seven,he looked back over the five years sincehis graduation from college and wondered what he had done with them;and atthe four previous years of undergraduate life and wondered how he had done sowell with those and why he had not in some manner justified the parting words ofhis favorite professor. "You have one rare faculty,Jones.You can,when you choose,sharpen the pencilof your mind to a very fine point.Specialize,my boy,specialize." If the recipient of this admonition had specialized in anything,it was in life.Having twenty-five thousand a year of his own he might have continued in thatpath indefinitely,but for two influences.One was an irruptive craving within himto take some part in the dynamic activities of the surrounding world.The otherwas the "freak"will of his late and little-lamented uncle,from whom he had hispresent income,and his future expectations of some ten millions.Adrian VanReypen Egerton had,as Waldemar once put it,"—one into the mayor's chair witha good name and come out with a block of ice stock."In a will whose cynicalhumor was the topic of its day,Mr.Egerton jeered posthumously at the publicwhich he had despoiled,and promised restitution,of a sort,through his heir. "Therefore,"he had written,"I give and bequeath to the said Adrian VanReypen Egerton Jones,the residue of my property,the principal to be taken overby him at such time as he shall have completed five years of continuous residencein New York City.After such time the virus of the metropolis will have workedthrough his entire being.He will squander his unearned and undeserved fortune,thus completing the vicious circle,and returning the millions acquired by mypolitical activities,in a poisoned shower upon the city,for which,having bossed,bullied and looted it,I feel no sentiment other than contempt." "And now,"remarked Waldemar in his heavy,rumbling voice,"you aspire todisappoint that good old man." "It's only human nature,you know,"said Average Jones."When a man puts a ten-million-dollar curse on you and suggests that you haven't the backbone of ashrimp,you—you—" "—naturally yearn to prove him a liar,"supplied Bertram. "Exactly.Anyway,I've no taste for dissipation,either moral or financial.I wantaction;something to do.I'm bored in this infernal city." "The wail of the unslaked romanticist,"commented Bertram. "Romanticist nothing!"protested the other."My ambitions are practical enoughif I could only get'em stirred up." "Exactly.Boredom is simply romanticism with a morning-after thirst.You'repanting for romance,for something bizarre.Egypt and St.Petersburg and BuenosAyres and Samoa have all become commonplace to you.You've overdone them.That's why you're back here in New York waiting with stretched nerves for theAdventure of Life to cat-creep up from behind and toss the lariat of rainbowd

FAQs

Why does Average Jones feel dissatisfied despite having money?

He finds himself bored in the city and wants action or something to do, even though his fortune could let him live without urgency. The conversation frames his dissatisfaction as a craving for romance channeled into restlessness.

What role do his uncle’s will and inheritance play?

His income and future expectations come from his late uncle’s “freak” will, which includes a five-year condition tied to residence in New York City. This setup fuels Jones’s awareness of how he might disappoint the uncle’s cynical expectations.

What does the club learn from the classified advertisements?

Waldemar reads odd job offers meant to attract attention, and Jones reacts with renewed interest. The discussion culminates in a specific advertisement seeking a performer on B-flat trombone, suggesting a real, unusual opportunity.

Sep 28, 2026

Uploaded by Stanley