And 174 Other Wisecracks for the Oblivious Dad-to-be - read online free

Sep 29, 2026

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Humorous fatherhood guide presenting a first-person-like, comedic journey from the moment a couple learns they are expecting. It highlights everyday challenges such as diaper-bag handling, buckling child car seats, right-hand baby-carriage maneuvers, sleepless night navigation, and the emotional stress of boo-boos, scraped knees, and overheard mishaps. Through escalating, vivid scenarios, the book reframes frustration as different facets of a deeply positive experience.

LanguageEnglish

CategoryComic

FormatPDF

Pages188

Reading Time1 h 11 min

AccessFree to download

Congratulations, Dad-to-be

Education after the announcement

Practical baby-care challenges

Car seat and mobility setbacks

Healing stress and scraped knees

Family embarrassment moments

Reward and lifelong love

Idon't care if it's a boyOr a8so longas it’sdeductible. And 174 Other Zany Observations for the Oblivious 6y G÷6 Perre6 Linda Perret t 8 a am a9bur FROM THE MOMENT youhear youre going to be a father,you'll enter into a brand new worldthat you never imagined.Yourdaily tasks will be consumed withcomplexengineering(trying tofigure out how to buckle yourchilds car seat),counseling(healingemotional stress caused by endlessboo-boos),learning a foreignlanguage(Braxton-Hicks,teethingring,nasal aspirator,and onesie-justto name a few),and nighttimenavigating(Do you remember what 3 a.m.looks like?If not,you will!). From award-winning comedywriters Gene Perret and LindaPerret,this humorous look at thejourney through fatherhood willkeep you laughing and crying at thegreatest adventure you'll ever take. ola-0 Copyright ⑥2017 by Linda Perret and Gene Perretllustrations copyright ⑥2017 by Adam Eastburn All rights reserved. Published by FamiliusLLC,www.familius.com Familiusbooks are available at special discounts for bulk purchases,whetherfor sales promotions or for family or corporate use.For more information,contact Familius Sales at 559876-2170 or email orders@familius.com. Reproduction of this book in any manner,in whole or in part,withoutwritten permission of the publisher is prohibited. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data 2016961551 ISBN 9781944822880 Printedin China Edited by DeAnna Acker Cover design by David Miles Book design by Adam Eastburn 10987654321 First Edition Idon't care ifit's a boy or girlso long2as it'sdeductible. And 174Other Wisecracksfor the Oblivious Dad-to-be by GENEPERRET&LINDA PERRET withllustrations by Adam Eastburn # Congratulations,Dad-to-be;you have an exciting adventure ahead of you. As soon as you hear the words"Were going to have a baby,"you will begin aneducation that you could not get otherwise.For instance,youll soon learn whatthree o'clock in the morning looks like. Youll also learn how to fold and unfold a complicated,multipurpose baby carriageusing only your right handwhile trying to keep a fully loaded diaper bag from slipingoff your left shoulder. Youll find out quickly that it's almost impossible to get your youngster buckledcorrectly into the child safety car seat.You try and try and try,until finally,yourwife says,"Get out of the way;ll do it."Youdo,and she does. Youll discover that teaching your youngster to ride atwo-wheeler is normallynot accident-free.You'll then take a crash course in healing emotional stress andscraped knees.You will assure your child that youll make the boo-boo stophurtingby applying an antiseptic that makes ithurt like crazy.Youll increase the pain levelthreefold and the tot's wailing level from about60 decibels to a virtuallyunbearable150 decibels. Youll experience the humiliation of having the rest of the audience know thatit is your daughter at the preschool ballet recital dancing happily in a clockwisedirection while the rest of the troupe is gleefully pirouetting around the stage in acounterclockwise direction. Youll feel the gloom when your LittleLeaguer comes to the plate with thebases loaded in the bottom of the last inning with a chance to save the game andstands with the bat on his shoulders while he's called“out"on three pitches throwninvitingly down the middle of the plate. These may all seem like negative events,but they really aren't.Theyreall justdifferent facets of one glorious positive called Fatherhood.Yes,we do have a list ofseemingly negative incidents because the positives can be summed upin one sentence.When your progeny(see,youve also learned a new word)looks at you with thoselarge,gorgeous,penetrating eyes and says,"Goo-gah glub-blah duh-flbbbth,"that'sbaby talk for“Youre my Daddy,andllove you."That's your reward...and it lasts forthe rest of your life. -Linda Perret and Gene Perret The best advice for any new father-to-be is this:try to look like

FAQs

What happens to a dad-to-be as soon as he hears the news?

He enters a new world and starts an education he could never get otherwise, including learning what early morning really feels like and adapting daily tasks to the baby’s needs.

What are some of the comedic difficulties new fathers face?

The text describes managing complicated baby gear with limited mobility, struggling with correct car-seat buckling, and handling night navigation while also dealing with the aftermath of common injuries like scraped knees.

How does the book reframe the “negative” events it describes?

The scenarios may seem negative, but they are portrayed as different facets of one positive called Fatherhood, culminating in the baby’s reward-like affection and lifelong connection.

Sep 29, 2026

Upload by Jacob