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He can be contacted by email on [Alex.Millham@ports.nhs.uk](Alex.Millham@ports.nhs.uk) Natalie Banks can be contacted through Alex.  \nThis paper consists of two letters. The first letter is from a therapist to a young woman consulting her about her experience of the therapy sessions they had shared together. The second letter is the young woman’s response. It is hoped that these letters will provide other therapists with ideas for working with young women around issues of loss and grief.  \nKeywords: young women, grief, loss, consulting your consultants, letters  \n52  \nThe International Journal of Narrative Therapy and Community Work  \n2006 No. 1 [www.dulwichcentre.com.au](www.dulwichcentre.com.au)  \nNatalie first came to see me about the effects of schoolyard harassment and bullying. By the time we met, Natalie had withdrawn from school due to the effects of this bullying. Nathalie’s mother, Viv, described unsuccessful meetings that had been held at the school in an attempt to resolve the situation. And at our first meeting, Natalie spoke of what had happened to her. The three of us agreed that ‘bullying’ was too small a word to describe what had taken place over the previous two years. In addition to being physically assaulted, we heard about the psychological torment that Natalie had been through. As a result, we agreed that ‘mental torture’ would be a more appropriate term for the treatment she had endured. Whilst withdrawing from school was not what either Natalie or Viv wanted, it had given Natalie space to think in a safe environment about what had happened. In our early conversations together, I attempted to explore the effects of bullying and harassment as something separate from Natalie’s identity and began to hear about some of the hopes and wishes that Natalie had for her future.  \nIn the course of these conversations, I learnt that Natalie’s maternal grandmother, Nan, had died recently. This was a very significant event to Natalie and we began to talk more about Nan and her contributions to Natalie’s life. This didn’t seem disconnected from thinking about the harassment and ‘mental torture’ that Natalie had endured. In fact, speaking about her grandmother seemed to make it easier for Natalie to reflect on her life and future. Talking about the loss of a loved one can be quite a fearful experience for therapists and for young people. My meetings with Natalie and her mother Viv, however, were not a place where fear seemed to intrude.  \nWhen we met for the last time I offered to write Natalie a letter to summarise what we had talked about together. The letter I wrote adapted questions set out by David Epston and Michael White (1990) in their article ‘Consulting your Consultants’. I hoped that these questions would assist Natalie to reflect on the changes that she had made in her life and how she had done this.  \nI also invited Natalie to write a letter back tome, reflecting on our meetings. My invitation to  \nNatalie to write this letter was based on a number of ideas. I understood the act of ‘ending therapy’not as another loss for Nathalie but more as a time of celebration. I saw these letters as a celebratory act. Importantly, I imagined that these letters might be able to be shared with others, and this would reflect a public therapy rather than one that is solely individual and private. Natalie had been clear all along that she valued her mother being part of our meetings together and she was keen for others to benefit from her experiences. Harassment and bullying often have the effect of withdrawing people from a more public life, so the act of sharing letters with each other, and now with a wider audience via publication, counters this.  \nWhat’s more, the writing and sharing of these letters marks a kind of graduation.  \nIn my conversations with Nathalie and Viv, ","cbCaigmVAV7vSyfZ","https://ap.wps.com/l/cbCaigmVAV7vSyfZ","pdf",44871,"English","# Loss and Letters\n## The therapist’s letter and the invitation to reflect\n## The young woman’s response\n## Narrative approach to loss, grief, and reconnection","[{\"question\":\"What is the relationship between the harassment experiences and the grandmother’s death in these letters?\",\"answer\":\"The narrative links the ‘mental torture’ of harassment with the grandmother Nan’s recent death, treating the loss as connected to how Natalie reflects on her life and future.\"},{\"question\":\"Why does the therapist invite Natalie to write a letter back?\",\"answer\":\"The therapist invites Natalie to write as a way to mark “ending therapy” with celebration and to support reflection on the changes she has made.\"},{\"question\":\"How does “saying hullo again” differ from “saying goodbye” in the approach described?\",\"answer\":\"“Saying hullo again” focuses on reconnecting with the lost person in ways that keep their presence in conversations, rather than requiring an ending framed as saying goodbye.\"}]","Loss and Letters - Letter Pair on Loss and Grief | PDF",1789564046]