[{"data":1,"prerenderedAt":-1},["ShallowReactive",2],{"doc-detail-116351-en":3,"doc-seo-116351-105":29,"detail-sidebar-cat-0-en-105":90},{"code":4,"msg":5,"data":6},0,"success",{"doc_id":7,"user_id":8,"nickname":9,"user_avatar":10,"doc_module":4,"category_id":11,"category_name":12,"doc_title":13,"doc_description":14,"doc_content":15,"file_id":16,"file_url":17,"file_type":18,"file_size":19,"view_count":4,"is_deleted":4,"is_public":11,"is_downloadable":11,"audit_status":11,"page_count":20,"language":21,"language_code":22,"site_id":23,"html_lang":22,"table_of_contents":24,"faqs":25,"seo_title":26,"seo_description":14,"update_tm":27,"read_time":28},116351,4398048950312,"Violet","https://ap-avatar.wpscdn.com/avatar/400002538284de19e3c?_k=1778320343897328908",1,"Story & Novel","I’m a Lot - Surviving Myself and All the People I’ve Been","A memoir exploring how identity keeps reshaping under pressure, through a narrator who repeatedly rebuilds who she is after major life shifts—first leaving competitive swimming, then finding rowing, and later confronting new losses of self. It reflects on family rituals, social expectations, and the constant performance of confidence in public spaces like Instagram and stand-up. The narrative frames growth as an ongoing process of redefining oneself, navigating pain, and surviving the many versions of the self.","[OceanofPDF.com](OceanofPDF.com)  \nThis book is a memoir faithfully based on the author ’s best recollections of various events in her life. In some instances, events and time periods have been compressed in service of the narrative and dialogue approximated to match the author ’s best recollection of those exchanges. Some names and identifying details of certain people mentioned have been changed.  \nThe Dial Press  \nAn imprint of Random House A division of Penguin Random House LLC 1745 Broadway, New York, NY 10019  \n[randomhousebooks.com](randomhousebooks.com)  \n[penguinrandomhouse.com](penguinrandomhouse.com)  \nCopyright © 2026 by Alison Leiby  \nPenguin Random House values and supports copyright. Copyright fuels creativity, encourages diverse voices, promotes free speech, and creates a vibrant culture. Thank you for buying an authorized edition of this book and for complying with copyright laws by not reproducing, scanning, or distributing any part of it in any form without permission. You are supporting writers and allowing Penguin Random House to continue to publish books for every reader. Please note that no part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner for the purpose of training artificial intelligence technologies or systems.  \nThe Dial Press is a registered trademark and the colophon is a trademark of Penguin Random House LLC.  \nHardcover ISBN 9780593731628 Ebook ISBN 9780593731635  \nBOOK TEAM: Production editor: Annette Szlachta • Managing editor: Rebecca Berlant • Production manager: Sandra Sjursen • Copy editor: Hasan Altaf • Proofreaders: Dan Janeck, Hope Clarke, Diana D’Abruzzo  \nBook design by Alissa Rose Theodor, adapted for ebook Cover design: Jessie Sayward Bright  \nThe authorized representative in the EU for product safety and compliance is Penguin Random House Ireland, Morrison Chambers, 32 Nassau Street, Dublin D02 YH68, Ireland. [https://eu](https://eu)[contact.penguin.ie](contact.penguin.ie)  \nep_prh_ 7.5a_ 156609940_c0_r0  \n[OceanofPDF.com](OceanofPDF.com)  \nCONTENTS  \nDedication  \nEpigraph Introduction I’m Not Dead  \nI’m an Only Child  \nI’m a Jock  \nI Had an Abortion I’m a Loehmann’s Insider I’m Unemployed  \nI’m Political  \nI’m in Pain  \nI’m Too Online  \nI’m Single  \nI Don’t Have a Best Friend I’m a Bravoholic  \nI’m Child-free  \nI’m Okay Acknowledgments About the Author  \n[OceanofPDF.com](OceanofPDF.com)  \nFor my parents. Thank you for all of your love and support. I’m sure we’ll have plenty to talk about when you finish reading.  \n[OceanofPDF.com](OceanofPDF.com)  \nI still only travel by foot and by foot it’s a slow climb But I’m good at being uncomfortable so I can’t stop changing all the time  \n—Fiona Apple,“Extraordinary Machine”  \n“No, I mentioned the bisque.”  \n—Elaine Benes  \n[OceanofPDF.com](OceanofPDF.com)  \nINTRODUCTION  \nI was miserable at my grandfather ’s shiva.  \nIt wasn’t that I was overly devastated by his passing. Of course I loved him, but I was so young that I didn’t exactly know him well enough to grieve. When he got sick, I was still riding a tricycle, and when he died, I was still begging my mom to let me wear lip gloss. So in my adolescent brain, this funeral was (like almost everything in my life) deeply about me. I spent the entire time doing two of my favorite things: eating New Jersey’s finest deli and talking to New Jersey’s funniest old Jews. Good rye and good wry. Certainly death is sad, but this was more a celebration of life, and I should have been able to embrace that. It wasn’t quite that easy, because every single person at that service opened our conversation with the same devastating sentence.  \n“You’re the swimmer!”  \nThe thing is, I was the swimmer. Swimming was the thing I spent the most time doing, talking about, and thinking about. It was the thing my grandmother bragged about at mah-jongg games, how I swam in national meets and won medals and practiced hard and traveled to exotic places like Princeton and Buffalo. But as of that month, I had made t","cbCairOG77IPC5ao","https://ap.wps.com/l/cbCairOG77IPC5ao","pdf",4063732,246,"English","en",105,"# Introduction\n## I’m Not Dead\n## I’m an Only Child\n## I’m a Jock\n## I Had an Abortion\n## I’m a Loehmann’s Insider\n## I’m Unemployed\n## I’m Political\n## I’m in Pain\n## I’m Too Online\n## I’m Single\n## I Don’t Have a Best Friend\n## I’m a Bravoholic\n## I’m Child-free\n## I’m Okay\n# Acknowledgments\n# About the Author","[{\"question\":\"What drives the narrator’s struggle in the story’s opening?\",\"answer\":\"The narrator is overwhelmed at her grandfather’s shiva because she had built her identity around competitive swimming, which is about to end. Everyone reinforces the old label, making the loss of self feel immediate and painful.\"},{\"question\":\"How does the book describe identity change over time?\",\"answer\":\"Identity is shown as something the narrator must redefine repeatedly when one role ends and another must replace it. The book frames this as a pressure many people feel, consciously or not.\"},{\"question\":\"What role do public performances and social media play in the memoir?\",\"answer\":\"The narrator discusses curating an image online, choosing clothes, and shaping perception during stand-up, showing how she manages conflict and anxiety through performance. These moments contrast with less controlled reactions when tension arises.\"}]","I’m a Lot - Surviving Myself and All the People I’ve Been | PDF",1785658478,379,{"code":4,"msg":30,"data":31},"ok",{"site_id":23,"language":22,"slug":32,"title":13,"keywords":33,"description":14,"schema_data":34,"social_meta":85,"head_meta":87,"extra_data":89,"updated_unix":27},"im-a-lot-surviving-myself-and-all-the-people-ive-been","",{"@graph":35,"@context":84},[36,53,67],{"@type":37,"itemListElement":38},"BreadcrumbList",[39,43,47,50],{"item":40,"name":41,"@type":42,"position":11},"https://docshare.wps.com","Home","ListItem",{"item":44,"name":45,"@type":42,"position":46},"https://docshare.wps.com/document/","Document",2,{"item":48,"name":12,"@type":42,"position":49},"https://docshare.wps.com/document/story-novel/",3,{"item":51,"name":13,"@type":42,"position":52},"https://docshare.wps.com/document/im-a-lot-surviving-myself-and-all-the-people-ive-been/116351/",4,{"url":51,"name":13,"@type":54,"author":55,"headline":13,"publisher":57,"fileFormat":60,"inLanguage":22,"description":14,"dateModified":61,"datePublished":61,"encodingFormat":60,"isAccessibleForFree":62,"interactionStatistic":63},"DigitalDocument",{"name":9,"@type":56},"Person",{"url":40,"name":58,"@type":59},"DocShare","Organization","application/pdf","2026-08-02",true,{"@type":64,"interactionType":65,"userInteractionCount":4},"InteractionCounter",{"@type":66},"ViewAction",{"@type":68,"mainEntity":69},"FAQPage",[70,76,80],{"name":71,"@type":72,"acceptedAnswer":73},"What drives the narrator’s struggle in the story’s opening?","Question",{"text":74,"@type":75},"The narrator is overwhelmed at her grandfather’s shiva because she had built her identity around competitive swimming, which is about to end. Everyone reinforces the old label, making the loss of self feel immediate and painful.","Answer",{"name":77,"@type":72,"acceptedAnswer":78},"How does the book describe identity change over time?",{"text":79,"@type":75},"Identity is shown as something the narrator must redefine repeatedly when one role ends and another must replace it. The book frames this as a pressure many people feel, consciously or not.",{"name":81,"@type":72,"acceptedAnswer":82},"What role do public performances and social media play in the memoir?",{"text":83,"@type":75},"The narrator discusses curating an image online, choosing clothes, and shaping perception during stand-up, showing how she manages conflict and anxiety through performance. These moments contrast with less controlled reactions when tension arises.","https://schema.org",{"og:url":51,"og:type":86,"og:title":13,"og:site_name":58,"og:description":14},"article",{"robots":88,"canonical":51},"index,follow",{"doc_id":7,"site_id":23},{"code":4,"msg":5,"data":91},[92,95,99,103,108,113,118,123,128,131,135],{"id":11,"doc_module":4,"doc_module_name":45,"category_name":12,"show_sort_weight":93,"slug":94},90,"story-novel",{"id":46,"doc_module":4,"doc_module_name":45,"category_name":96,"show_sort_weight":97,"slug":98},"Literature",80,"literature",{"id":52,"doc_module":4,"doc_module_name":45,"category_name":100,"show_sort_weight":101,"slug":102},"Exam",70,"exam",{"id":104,"doc_module":4,"doc_module_name":45,"category_name":105,"show_sort_weight":106,"slug":107},5,"Comic",60,"comic",{"id":109,"doc_module":4,"doc_module_name":45,"category_name":110,"show_sort_weight":111,"slug":112},6,"Technology",50,"technology",{"id":114,"doc_module":4,"doc_module_name":45,"category_name":115,"show_sort_weight":116,"slug":117},7,"Healthcare",40,"healthcare",{"id":119,"doc_module":4,"doc_module_name":45,"category_name":120,"show_sort_weight":121,"slug":122},8,"Research & Report",30,"research-report",{"id":124,"doc_module":4,"doc_module_name":45,"category_name":125,"show_sort_weight":126,"slug":127},9,"Religion & Spirituality",20,"religion-spirituality",{"id":126,"doc_module":4,"doc_module_name":45,"category_name":129,"show_sort_weight":126,"slug":130},"World Cup","world-cup",{"id":132,"doc_module":4,"doc_module_name":45,"category_name":133,"show_sort_weight":132,"slug":134},10,"Lifestyle","lifestyle",{"id":136,"doc_module":4,"doc_module_name":45,"category_name":137,"show_sort_weight":104,"slug":138},19,"General","general"]