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Through dialogue around the phrase “Shut up,” participants analyze feelings of disrespect, practice alternative ways to speak, and consider tone and intent. The article links recurring conflicts—like name-calling, inappropriate remarks, and social boundaries—to underlying themes of anger, empathy, and self-expression. 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It makes me feel like they don’t care  \nabout what I’m saying.”  \nNodding in assent, Luke adds, “You feel disrespected.”  \n“Yeah, it makes me mad. It makes me feel like punching them,” says Stacey, leaning forward on the edge of her seat for emphasis.  \nAround the circle kids mutter and nod in agreement. On this night, as on many other nights, we are talking about how we want tobe treated—or, more often, how we don’t want to be treated. Each night our community meeting revisits this conversation in some form, with the goal of arriving at some consensus about how we want the afterschool community to look and feel. Today, for some reason,“Shut up” was flung more than usual, so after dinner I decided to focus the meeting around a discussion of that phrase and its meaning.  \n“Okay,” I say,“So it makes us all feel really bad when people say ‘Shut up.’ But some  \ntimes people say things that hurt our feelings, and we need to be able to ask them to stop talking ina way that hurts us. What are some other ways that you could let people know that what they’re saying isnot okay?”  \nCole, K. (2003). Acts of Invention: The Afterschool Program as a Site for Building Community. Afterschool Matters, 3, 22–27.  \n1 Names have been changed.  \nAfter a pause, Ginger ventures,“You could say,‘Be quiet.’”  \nPilar jumps in, animated: “You could tell them,‘Mind your business!’”  \n“How’bout that tone, though, Pilar?” my coworker Assata follows up. “When you use that voice, do you think you might make them feel the same way as when you say, ‘Shut up’?”  \nDrawing by FUN program participant, age 7  \n24 Afterschool Matters Spring 2004  \nSome nights the community meeting feels amazingly redundant to me. When we asked at the opening of the meeting last night if anyone had anything they wanted to talk about, Ryan asked if we could talk about the problem of people talking about other people’s mamas. The night before, Najwa  \nwanted to talk about people not minding  \nbudget is a large grant through the federal Department of Education’s CCAMPIS (Child Care Access Means Parents in Schools) Program. This funding allows us to offer the program free of charge to all participants. We serve a substantial healthy snack when the kids arrive  \ntheir business. The topics change, but the underlying themes are often the same: issues of respect and feelings of anger that come from feeling disrespected. Some nights when I go home, I can’t believe we  \nIf we all know how badly it makes us feel to be disrespected, why can’t we just agree to stop doing it?  \nhave had to hold yet another community meeting around the problem of making fun of people’s clothes. If we all know how badly it makes us feel to be disrespected, why can’t we just agree to stop doing it?  \nBack around the circle, we continue to work together to identify appropriate alternatives to “Shut up.”“You could use a nice voice.”  \n“You could ignore them.”  \n“You could say, ‘You’re hurting my feelings.’”“You could tell a teacher.”  \nAs we talk the problem out together, participants’voices range from tentative and questioning to firm and assertive. Some speak with a gentle tone, while others are agitated or ebullient. I may be frustrated by the recurrence of common themes in our community meeting, but, if I listen closely, I can hear another layer to our nightly conversation. When I realize that in different ways each individual is trying to find his or her own voice in this forum, I can marvel at how we are working collectively to address issues that even most adults find challenging.  \nA Space for Building Community  \nThe FUN (Family University) Afterschool Program is  \nhoused at the cozy Learning Center for Educatorsand Families (LCEF), part of the School of Education at Long Island University. At LCEF, the School o","cbCairHUnkmcfIlf","https://ap.wps.com/l/cbCairHUnkmcfIlf","pdf",290507,"English","# The Afterschool Program as a Site for Building Community\n## Working through “Shut up” and respect\n## A space for building community","[{\"question\":\"What is the afterschool community meeting used for?\",\"answer\":\"It revisits how children want to be treated and helps them reach consensus about what respectful interactions should feel and sound like.\"},{\"question\":\"How do children respond to the phrase “Shut up”?\",\"answer\":\"They discuss why it hurts feelings and generate alternative phrases and approaches, considering tone, assertiveness, and seeking adult help.\"},{\"question\":\"What program features support the children and staff?\",\"answer\":\"The FUN program is housed in a learning center with ample resources, educational faculty support for challenges, and a consistently low adult-to-child ratio with planning time before activities.\"}]","Acts of Invention - The Afterschool Program as a Site for Building Community | PDF",1792069767]